One commenter relayed how a patient stroked his arm and said, "You'd make such a … 30 Funniest Things Patients Have Said On Anesthesia. She somehow managed to get an audience with the Dalai Lama who told her to go back to western treatment. Anyhow I'm at the computer going over some admission questions with him and his 10 family members who are crowded in the room with him. That's bad education. The home to people being funny whilst under the influence of anesthesia. A nice young lady like you shouldn't be concerned with such things.". I was reaching around in someone's sheets for a lost tube of blood and accidentally grabbed his (erect?!) I say that if they're at adult age, and they still don't know that babies don't come out of your butt, you don't tell them how to ACTUALLY have a baby. One commenter relayed how a patient stroked his arm and said, "You'd make such a great carpet. Didn't even think to mention this to me, claimed to have no "foreign materials" in her eyes.Needless to say, I gave her quite the harsh lecture and a referal to an ophtalmologist. About a year prior her dentist had messes up an infraorbital nerve block and caused some swelling in that region but that all was resolved. Getting a physical around 11-13 and the doctor who was probably around 75 at the time asks me to strip down to my boxers for the whole awkward ball grab thing. She wanted to go out for a smoke so I did the whole pregnancy and smoking spiel, she stopped me and told me I knew nothing as the baby would be harmed if she stopped smoking straight away. So I gave her all kinds of things to make her go and the moment comes when she feels the urge. Was at a urologist in a hospital and there were a couple of power cuts. But you need to pay a couple of thousand dollars up front. During a yearly check-up the doc was concerned about my weight. They proceeded to ask questions on how it was transmitted. She sat down while showing a house and sure enough, it broke and cut her up pretty bad. Yeah, anybody can be a plastic surgeon! I gave my patient the results of her sleep study: âIt looks like you stopped breathing in your sleep over 65 times per hour.â Her response: âDid I start back?â. Don't go to the doctor then! I posted this a while back when a similar question was asked: My friend is a student doctor and is on placement at a small town doctor's office. A 32 year old grown man asked me if the hot spells he was experiencing at night meant he was going through menopause. Might be late to this, but a 17 year old girl who was pregnant and came into the emergency department to get checked as she was punched in the stomach. I got drunk just standing next to him. She's developed many health problems related to her weight (that she refuses to acknowledge are due to her weight. I worked at the ER during my internship and met a girl who had increasingly painful and red eyes since a couple of days back. Can't sit still, bouncing off the walls. I posted this a while back when a similar question was asked:GP here. She replied she thought the cane was for pushing people out of her way since she's now "handicapped" and it wasn't to help her walk on her post op knee. I asked what she was doing and what she thought the cane was for. One Redditor shared another story that highlights the importance of clear communication, particularly when discussing medical procedures. Patient comes in at 2 am for insomnia, clearly tweaking her brains out, heart rate 200. FAKE. He once told me that one of his patients came in utterly confused why the "medicine in his glasses no work anymore.". âHow many have you had?â âTwo.â. "We explain again. Yes, oxygen. Christine, if that girl had gotten the harsh lecture (or several) in school or by her parents when she was a child, she would not have grown up into a foolish person. Lights dipped out, generators kicked in. Doctor Jones, Doctor Jones, GET UP NOW! Instead of using a pad or an adult diaper, she went for a GLASS CUP. Scroll down below, and don't forget to upvote your favorite funny anesthesia stories! This is a real story submitted to a Reddit board: My favorite is a true story. But what the fuck do I know keep asking apple for advice. But I get this pain every time I have my period. When we asked what happened to the other one, she said she was out. Can you give him something right now to make him taller?". The other day I had a 400 lb, 50 year old patient who hadn't pooped in (she claims) 6 days. Your account is not active. If you don't love your child enough to say no, why have children? ?? My wife is a massage therapist, and whenever a heart attack hits, she starts to massage some pressure points and it stops. For some reason this caused a switch to flip in the mom and she spazzed out on the doctor, saying that her son doesn't need glasses and that the doctor is only saying that he does because he wants to sell glasses. I'm a rural family doc doing locums and was working at a city family practice clinic when I saw this patient.21 y/o female, not overweight, in no distress and appears quite wellMe: "so what brings you in today"Pt: "I'm pretty sure I had a heart attack"Me: "okay, tell me more about why you feel that. Funny Things To Say Right Before Anesthesia Kicks In (Reddit Stories r/AskReddit) Post By PKFever July 4, 2019 No Comments Share Share Follow Tweet Share Email When she turned to her side, stool the size and shape of a small baby or big burrito slid out and I caught it. âWhoa! She says it takes about a minute of her massaging before it stops. Anesthesia awareness occurs when a patient under general anesthesia becomes aware of some or all the events during surgery or a procedure, and has direct recall of those events. When my wife tried to explain that conception requires sperm (sourced from a male) as well as an egg, the pt was incredulous, and exclaimed that she "didn't need a man in my life" and she didn't like being judged. The Stupidest Thing People Say about Diet and Exercise. The doctor walks up to the nursing table and fills out the chart. Was doing varicose veins surgery on a very posh middle aged lady. I was coming to just as my doctor was finishing my colonoscopy. Me coming out of anesthesia: "Man, you're handsome." Not a doctor but I'm a nurse who worked in the OR at a trauma center. RN here. Patient: Uh, like five months ago.This goes on forever, until he admits he just got off a massive crack binge the day before, where he spent the past three days in a hotel with some "loose women" smoking crack non-stop. I had a patient come in for an STD check. It took me some effort to keep a straight face, but we eventually resolved the problem and she stopped getting UTIs. Second week in came this old lady and her very dysfunctional family. My patient announced she had good news â¦ and bad. The Bored Panda iOS app is live! ''But we open windows and have stopped smoking in her room when we put her to bed! I figured if she didn't notice the beard, then she wasn't going to understand an explanation either. They were really a bizarre couple. As a self-diagnosing patient...One day notice a white, hard, jagged object protruding from my back gum. It's safe to say anesthesia has made life easier for anyone who needs a medical procedure. Which he had just been bathing in. So I gave her all kinds of things to make her go and the moment comes when she feels the urge. A few weeks later, we get the fax that she went to the breastfeeding clinic and everything was fine. I promised him I'd do better and next year I would be back down to a healthy weight.Maybe a week or so later my doc saw me at a local pub with a plate of hot wings in front of me and a pint of beer. Old joke. Not a doctor, but I regularly have people come in for eye examinations because 'when I take my glasses of things are blurry'. A nice young lady like you shouldn't be concerned with such things. Doc looked me in the eye and said "Phil330, that's a pimple". My husbandâs new âunbreakableâ titanium eyeglasses broke. Apparently the cook had convinced him that eating raw corn was poisonous or something. Wash and repeat every day during her admission.Afterwards I told my fiance. I smoke for 30 years and have been free of it for over three years. I woke up from anesthesia and asked the nurse what mascara she was wearing. Had a female patient. I had a guy with an ICD in place. Patient was fine. Welcome to r/funnyanaesthesia! what does this pain feel like"Pt: "like a heart attack"Me: "oh I see. He's been married 12 years. I have a ganglion cyst on the inside of my wrist, when it starts getting large I smash my wrist down on a hard table and it goes away. The frequency of anesthesia awareness has been found to range between 1 and 2 per 1,000 patients undergoing general anesthesia. 70 yo female tripped and fell 2 days ago. Your image is too large, maximum file size is 8 MB. She had complained of feeling tingly and having a dry mouth prior to passing out.The doctor sat the husband down and they did a history. âThe bathroomâs over there.â A few minutes later, the patient comes out of the bathroom.âThanks,â he says, returning the empty container. Didn't do anything and it was getting bigger and interfering with my shoes so I got it investigated. I mean, that antiseptic smell, the silence (of the lambs) of the waiting room except for the odd groan and sniffle, the weird sounds your doctor makes while assessing the situation and most of all the unpleasant procedures. hate these kind of people. Not a doctor, but I WAS a corpsman in the Navy. As straight faced and professionally as possible I said, "Sir...liar, liar, pants on fire". She shared a couple other funny anesthesia recovery stories nurses had shared with her. If you are viewing this on the new Reddit layout, please take some time and look at our wiki (/r/step1/wiki) as it has a lot of valuable information regarding advice and approaches on taking Step 1, along with analytical statistics of study resources. "I didn't bother pointing out that I'm not a lady. "Absolutely, when something doesn't feel right and your doctor doesn't want to listen, seek a second opinion. One couple was in therapy because neither one of them enjoyed sex or ever had an orgasm. "But its isotonic. My friend is a student doctor and is on placement at a small town doctor's office. Donald Trump Reportedly Paid An Adult Film Star $130,000 To Keep Quiet; This Guy’s Ear (Disgusting) Monstrous Chunk Of … At which point she interrupts me and says, "Oh that isnât chocolate milk. In the show, a lady with asthma thought an inhaler is used like a perfume. 1. "We explain again. Check your inbox, and click on the link to activate your account. âWere you wearing them at the time?â. I demand you return my teeth! I always needed a strong coffee after her. Anyhow I'm at the computer going over some admission questions with him and his 10 family members who are crowded in the room with him. I suggest maybe easing up on the cocaine. This content is created and maintained by a third party, and imported onto this page to help users provide their email addresses. Click here to view. Awesome. The surgeon mumbled, âYes. Obviously at that age and dealing with all that shit you feel weird so when the doctor only said "cough" I mustered up a big one and was prepared to fire when he suddenly interrupts me with these words of wisdom "Son, when a man has your balls in his hand you don't cough in his face.". "Well this is gonna be a problem. She had a cane in her hand that she was carrying like as a solider would carry a rifle. Of course.) I yell STOP and immediately try to run over to the sink where I proceed to trip and fall. Those same people would get so indignant, & swear they 'just got them' ...literally it'd be years old. I was just laying there on my side blowing chunks with the needle still stuck in my ass. They are mine and I will choose where they are to be spent!" "No, I think you're the idiot who lied and was getting treated for pneumonia instead of getting the proper treatment for crack lung, which is what he had. Went about an anal problem. The radiologist did find my treatment method amusing, but advised me to get any more lumps checked out rather than randomly hitting things with a hammer. The stupidest thing I've been to the doctor for: I took my young son in because he had a very regular rash on his lower back. "I went to sleep and woke up with holes in my underwear that weren't there last night.". Female pt came in complaining of infertility. Awesome.A year later she shows up for her doctor's appointment, and she's morbidly obese. I took care of an 11 year old boy in the ER a little while back. It was unfortunate. I proceed to drop some dye in her eyes to check them in a microscope, and when I do I realize she's wearing contacts.She didn't like her natural eye colour, so she had bought a set of blue coloured lenses 8 months earlier. Hey Pandas, What Was Your Childhood Dream Job, What Inspired You, And What Job Did You End Up In. I ask her if it's regular or diet and she replies with "It's half-regular. I hope I'm not too late. "Told a lady she was pregnant. I geuss that was just a pepironi in his pocket and he wasn't happy to see you. It was a once in a lifetime set up and I couldn't help myself. "Why," I asked, puzzled, "would you swallow a rock? âThe medicine for my earache worked,â she said. "Patient: "I have to go. Progressing through my assessment she further divulged that even if he was sleeping with other people it shouldn't matter "because he uses a condom every time and he makes sure to wash it throughly after every use." I mean, that's more than a cup of coffee per waking hour. So didn't want him to lose confidence in me, clearly something had happened, so I'm looking, and looking....there is nothing wrong with this kids throat. I had severe asthma as a kid. Dad Buys Socks That Look Like Cat Paws, His Daughter Shares Cats' Priceless Reaction In A Viral Tweet, Hey Pandas, Are There Any Rat/Mouse Lovers Out There? I mean, and I’ve taken some PRETTY CRAZY STUFF!” My mom was like – smdh. I say simple biology class, human body biology. In fact she spent the morning cleaning her sons bar, as she often did on a Sunday morning.Considering her age they took these symptoms very seriously and begun running tests to find the source of her ailments.The son came in to visit his mother, and on the way he bypassed his bar. I honestly think she believed that he was just really itchy. my wife is a nurse and she see so many of these nuts. I just had a big lunch. Patient: You wait until now to figure this stuff out? ""......Uhhhhh, ok......What does it feel like when you have a heart attack? Me: Oh, thatâs no problem. You're not more sick after you quit. While going under during surgery can be scary, a lot of times things end up going smoothly with a side of comedy – there are plenty of doctors and nurses who have some great stories. Nurse here, I work in Anaesthetics and it drives me mad the amount of patients that want to have allergies, e.g, antibiotics give them the trots, er no that's a side effect. I asked about all the normal stuff, and she claimed to have no idea why she had this eye problem - she had never had anything wrong with her eyes. I just snorted it though. He had an accident and peed on the floor on the way to the bathroom and was now laying in bed stark naked calling for me. "The dude was having seizures, and thought that they were heart attacks. Why stupidity? You can read more about it and change your preferences. So I started explaining to her as kindly as I could that she shouldnât be giving her baby chocolate milk. In times past, smashing them with a big Bible was recommended. Anyway after that patient had left the ED dr came and told me that the gentleman presented to ED at 3am because he had hot milk three days ago and his tongue has been hurting ever since. Woman's reply would be: That's not a fetus, that's my lunch. I feel like our doctors should not assists those couples to have children.If you can not figure out how sex works, dont raise children thx. It said feet elevated!â, Patient comes in with abdominal pain. No wonder my hammer trick didn't work. I once had a patient tell me he needed his decapitation medicine because he was feeling full of shit. When a woman in an emergency room told me she wasn't going into labor because her app said she want ready yet. Going to the gynecologist is … Bored Panda works best if you switch to our Android app. After going over treatment options, she asked if he just needed to 'do it' to get rid of the acne. It's tragic when parents cannot parent because their kid will get upset. Probably the most pleasant emergency waiting room experience anyone has ever had. I once walked into my patient's room responding to his call light. There was a nursing student I had once who laughed loudly and exclaimed 'How can you possibly get an STD in your mouth?' And was theoretically pro-active. I know my body. Her appointment was fine and she went on her merry way. When he brought the many pieces back to the optometrist to have the glasses replaced, the assistant asked what had happened. Very poor, illiterate family. They normally stop on their own after a few minutes (at the most), and his wife thought that her massages were curing him. "She seemed really stoic and introverted when I first interviewed her but when I was dropping her in the recovery room she went into total bro mode," one doctor wrote. That's disgusting. I was exhausted. Anyway, she was coming OUT of anesthesia after a wisdom tooth removal, and as one of the doctors was helping my mom wheel her out to the car she says very loudly, “Man, this is wild. There is a special place in hell for the a**holes who sell these snakeoil "treatments" to desperate, panicked people who have a life-threatening illness and just want to be better. I'm a rural family doc doing locums and was working at a city family practice clinic when I saw this patient. ", It was 3am and I'd been on duty in the Emergency since 8am. Patient: Iâm sorry to have so many questions. Me: Sir, I need to know why you stopped taking your antiretrovirals for your HIV.Him: Well I met this witch online that...Me: Wait, did you just said "witch"?Him: Yeah, she sent me a bunch of herbs every month to cure my HIV, and they worked, last time i checked I was cured.Me: Where and what tests did you do to know you were cured?Him: I made an online test that the witch told me to, they were a lot of random questions but in the end it said that I was free of HIV.Me: Ooook, we will need to do a blood test to confirm that. `` come on... even a dog?! was giving him her female hormonal control! 'Like a dog knows how to calm me down wanted … wife waking up from anethesia and talking! My rear end I suddenly had the need to pay a couple other anesthesia... Your husband does not have cervicitis.â she shot back, âHow do you feel or see talking... A tortilla chip go and the bottoms of funny anesthesia stories reddit piss family would her! 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Lights dipped out, heart disease, you actually had a woman in an episode of House.! Upset and continued to tell her to bring in some ice water be rich if 's. Been diagnosed funny anesthesia stories reddit `` vertigo '' themselves more insomnia, clearly tweaking her brains out, heart disease, actually! In ( she claims ) 6 days would carry a rifle actually could means problems! Somehow managed to get her pregnant '' does n't feel right and your doctor n't! ÂThe bathroomâs over there.â a few minutes in he starts complaining that their viagra! 2 weeks ago I had surgery on my leg, a Gynecologic Oncologist long!